STOP -START -CONTINUE

Before You Get Everyone Else Ready for September, Check In With Yourself

September has a way of creeping up on us.

One minute you're wondering how on earth the summer holidays can possibly last this long, and the next you're looking for school shoes, finding water bottles, checking emails, remembering PE days and trying to work out how you're going to get everyone where they need to be.

There is a lot to organise.

And if you're a parent, you're probably already thinking about everyone else's September.

But what about yours?

Summer can be surprisingly depleting.

The routines change, the usual structures disappear and the mental load doesn't necessarily disappear with them. Sometimes it gets bigger.

There can be more planning, more negotiating, more flexibility, more food, more activities and more emotional energy.

Even lovely things can be exhausting.

Then September arrives and we're somehow expected to snap back into normality.

Back to routines.

Back to work.

Back to school.

Back to clubs and appointments and packed lunches and everything else.

But perhaps we don't need to simply go back.

Perhaps September is a useful opportunity to stop for a moment and ask:

What actually works for me?

A simple coaching tool

One of the tools I often use in coaching is Stop, Start, Continue.

It's simple, but don't let simple fool you.

Used thoughtfully, it can help you step out of the busyness and notice where your energy is going, what you need more of and what is already working.

And importantly, this isn't about creating a huge list of things you need to improve.

It's about getting curious.

STOP: What can you put down?

Let's start with the slightly uncomfortable one.

What are you ready to stop?

Perhaps you've noticed that something has been taking more from you than it gives back.

Maybe you're always saying yes before you've had time to think.

Maybe you're trying to keep everyone happy.

Maybe you're carrying the mental load because it's quicker to do it yourself.

Maybe you're constantly available to everyone else.

Or perhaps you've noticed a pattern in yourself:

"I'll just do it."

"It's easier if I do it."

"I should be able to manage this."

"Everyone else seems to be coping."

Sometimes the thing we need to stop isn't an actual activity.

It might be a way of thinking.

A habit.

An expectation.

A pressure we've put on ourselves.

And sometimes, of course, there are things you simply can't stop doing. Parenting doesn't come with a convenient pause button.

So the question might become:

Can I do this differently?

Could it be shared?

Could it be done less often?

Could you lower the standard?

Could you ask for help?

Could you stop expecting yourself to do it perfectly?

Try asking yourself:

• What am I tired of?

• What is taking up more energy than it deserves?

• What am I doing because I want to, and what am I doing because I feel I should?

• Where am I taking responsibility for something that could be shared?

• What would I have more space for if I put one of these things down?

You don't need to find ten things.

Just notice one.

START: What do you need more of?

Once we've identified something we might want to put down, we can create a little space.

And this is where START comes in.

But I'm not talking about becoming a new, improved version of yourself.

You probably don't need another morning routine, productivity system or list of habits you ought to be doing.

Instead, ask yourself:

What do I need?

Perhaps you need more quiet.

More time alone.

More fun.

More connection.

More support.

More time outside.

More time doing something that has absolutely no purpose other than you enjoy it.

Maybe you've lost touch with something that used to make you feel like you.

Ask yourself:

What have I been missing?

When do I feel most like myself?

What would make life feel 10% easier?

And then make it specific.

Rather than:

"I need more time for myself."

What would that actually look like?

Perhaps it's 20 minutes with a coffee before everyone gets up.

Perhaps it's asking your partner to take over bedtime one evening.

Perhaps it's saying no to something you don't have capacity for.

Perhaps it's booking something into your diary before the rest of the year fills up.

Small changes matter.

Especially when life is already full.

CONTINUE: What's already working?

This is the bit we often forget.

We're very good at noticing what's wrong.

What's difficult.

What needs fixing.

What we should be doing better.

But what if we also paid attention to what's working?

What have you learned over the summer?

Maybe you've discovered that your family actually needs less structure than you thought.

Maybe you've got better at asking for help.

Maybe you've found something that helps when you're becoming overwhelmed.

Maybe you've started protecting some time for yourself.

Maybe you've stopped comparing your family to everyone else's.

Maybe you've realised that something you thought you should be doing simply isn't important to you anymore.

Notice it.

What do you want to keep?

What deserves to come with you into September?

Because coaching isn't always about changing things.

Sometimes it's about recognising what's already working and giving yourself permission to continue.

Now choose one thing

This is where I'd encourage you to resist the temptation to turn your reflections into another enormous to-do list.

You don't need to change everything.

Look at your three reflections:

STOP- Something I want to put down.

START- Something I want to introduce.

CONTINUE- Something that's working and I want to protect.

Now ask yourself:

Which one would make the biggest difference to me right now?

Choose one.

Then make it real.

What is the smallest version of that change you could make?

When will you do it?

What might get in the way?

And what will you do when it does?

Because "I need to look after myself more" is a lovely intention.

But it doesn't tell you what to actually do.

"On Wednesday evening, I'm going to leave the kitchen and sit outside for 20 minutes" does.

One is an idea.

The other is an action.

What if you don't know where to start?

Sometimes you know things need to feel different, but you're not quite sure what needs to change.

Sometimes you've got a long list of things you'd like to do differently but can't seem to turn it into action.

And sometimes you simply need somewhere to stop.

That's one of the things coaching can offer: space to pause, think and hear your own thoughts.

I don't come with a ready-made list of things you should be doing.

Instead, we look at what's happening for you, what matters to you, what's getting in the way and what you want to be different. From there, we can work out the small, realistic steps that will move you forward.

If you're feeling that pull of “I can't keep doing things quite like this”, you don't have to wait until you're completely overwhelmed.

Want some space to work it through?

I offer 1:1 coaching for parents and neurodivergent adults, creating a safe space to slow down, make sense of what's going on and work out what comes next.

If you'd like to explore whether coaching could be useful for you, get in touch to book a free discovery call.

No commitment. Just an opportunity to talk about where you are, what you'd like to be different, and whether working together feels like the right fit.

Because sometimes the most useful thing you can do is stop.

Take a breath.

And ask:

What do I need?

What would I like to be different?

And what's one small step I could take towards it?

I'd love to help you work it out.